Ideas for acts of kindness… October 9, 2006

“A campaign for what?” Ibrahim asked me. We were sitting together in the library, taking a study break (I feel I take too many of these), exhausted from lack of sleep and far too much studying (or not enough). Iftar was still a couple of hours off.

“A campaign for kindness.” And with that, off I went…explaining the concept and its conception (from one of M’s posts).

“What can we possibly do that’s consistent? With our schedules?” (this is paraphrased…picture it in a heavy patois).  So we ended drafting up some ideas of consistent acts of kindness (while our books and notes and paper deadlines lay forgotten).

The Food for Food thing:
Many of our masjids and Islamic institutions (schools and such) hold communal Iftars. It is extremely easy to set up donation bins here…for canned goods, non perishable foods and (CAUTION!) clothing and such (more on this later). There’s always a need for such things…Speaking to city food banks and other organizations that help out the homeless, one will note that they’re happy for donations year round. Some of them may even be happy to pick up donations on a weekly schedule (or not).

This little project requires very little in the way of maintenance…all you really need is some announcements (one can talk the Masjid staff into handling this), some containers (cardboard boxes, Rubbermaid containers etc…can be acquired from donations or even the food-bank), some donors (i.e. the people showing up for Iftar) and perhaps a driver to run things down to the food banks (or whatever).

Offering a fun incentive (such as a friendly competition, prizes such as a dua’a done in caligraphy or whatever) can increase donations. If you’re feeling ambitious, link up with some people…start these at a couple of masjids and set up a friendly competition. Such is the way of our beloved Sahaba (companions of the Prophet) who would compete (in a friendly manner) in how much they could contribute (for the sake of Allah of course). We’ve managed to collect a good deal of food in our first week of Ramadhan at the University and some masjids that have joined us and have even managed to set up a single weekly delivery of food from all the masjids and University to the shelter and Toronto Food Bank.

Special note on clothes, gifts and other items (and this comes with years of volunteering at shelters and the Salvation army). People tend to donate ripped or unsuitable clothing, broken items and so on…so just be careful. Don’t forget to throw them in the wash.

The idea can be expanded into other items and areas…such as book drives and so on…try and stick within the community, town or city…these acts can then become extremely effective in our backyards.

The Random Acts of Poetry thing:

Okay…honestly…We didn’t come up with this idea (here’s the official link to Random Acts of Poetry). I think the League of Canadian Poets came up with it (I may be mistaken)…and the idea isn’t for everyone but it does seem to coincide very well with the remembrance of blessings and beauty that is integral to Ramadhan. Carolyn Souaid, a poet involved in the RAP project, describes the appeal…

“Poetry is often perceived as a bitter pill. This will be an opportunity to knock poetry out of the ivory tower. An opportunity to hear a real flesh-and-blood poet, an invitation for the everyday person on the street to slow down a little and enjoy a literary burst of energy for what it is —nourishment for the soul”

The idea goes that you recite a poem to a random person. The poem must be recited in its entirety. This is harder than you think. The more poetry you know, the better…and try to make it relevant to the person’s situation if you could. It can be used as a form of dawa’a (to remind others of the miracle of beauty) and remembrance so pick some suitable poems. I’ve got recommendations if y’all are interested (Sufi poetry is a huge hit with people). Try and pick some well know poems as well, well known authors, preferably commenting on beauty, nature, faith, patience…so on and so forth. You don’t even have to make a day of it. Try and do it wherever you find yourself. Downtown…in the Library…at the Grocery store…wherever.

Just try not to freak people out and try and avoid hassling people. The point is to give their days a high point, give them a smile and remind them of the beauty of language (the poems don’t have to be in English…but you should follow the recitation with a translation). We ended up trying this downtown (at Street Support) and it was a huge hit. People were slackjawed, laughing and generally had a good time with it. We even ended up inspiring some folks (we recited to) downtown to join us in further recitations and they ended up sharing dinner with us that evening. They loved it!

Granted…this could take some effort and time to implement. But as I said, doing it wherever you find yourself can be quite easy. It also helps us get over our fears of starting a conversation.

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So here are 2 ideas from the 15 on our list. I figure I’ll keep posting ideas. In all honesty…these are simply ideas for our beloved contributors and our constant (and not-so-constant) readers. Some may not be for you (I’m sure some of you don’t think they’re very good ideas). Still…they’re starting points, blueprints to be changed, modified and eventually implemented in different ways. I figure if we keep throwing out ideas, someone’s going to find something they’ll really enjoy and they could go on to implement into their own schedules. At the end of the day…all that matters is we do SOMETHING!

Next time on the list:
The Big Brother/Big Sister/Mentor thing

Alright…back to my much neglected studies y’all…Let me know what you guys.

————–
Salaams, Much Love and Respect
-TWS Out

A nightly kindness…

[I’m sure this will sound like a rant…but I can’t help but write on this nightly kindness…I apologize before hand.]

As we waited between the second and third set of Raka’ats in the nightly Tarawe’eh Prayer, there was a bit of commotion in the back. “Why don’t you just hurry up?!” The shout had shattered the silence of the masjid and the concentration of the Imam as he looked over his readings for the day. Impatience and anger lay bare on the man’s face.

It is surprising that in this blessed month, between dhikr, prayer and fasting, we forget the daily kindness imparted to us. The Imam’s nightly gift of recitation must not be overlooked…its importance can’t be underestimated. I don’t want to turn this into a rant…but if everyone gets a chance, please sneak a peek at the Imam’s schedule.

Somehow (most of) these amazing individuals patiently walk the line between the world of Deen, the world of Academia and labors and the world of Family. As most of the people contributing/reading will probably know, the Tarawe’eh prayer is a significant portion of time in the believer’s life (roughly 2 hours). The time devoted by the imam can be 2-3 times greater, if not more (review and preparation, meetings planning out the weekly recitations, actually leading the prayer, helping out at other Tarawe’ehs). During the last days of Ramadhan, their workload increases immensely with the performance of the Qiyyam (I have been blessed to know Imams of such devotion that they have recited 3 Ju’z per night between the Tarawe’eh and Qiyyam during the last days of Ramadhan).

And at the end of the night, they bless us with the steady, melodious recitation of guidance that can reduce this one to tears. They usher us into periods of reflection, contemplation and worship late into the night with their recitations. My point is the job our Imam’s do is by no means insignificant…let us then value our Imams and hold them in regard. Let us not forget them in our dua’as and ease their burdens where we can.

Don’t get me wrong…one does not always have to agree with the Imaam and differences may arise (between the congregations, between Imams, between the Mosque and the Imams, etc.)…they are after all, only human. The angry man from last night clearly had a concern…but there is an Adaab (etiquettes, manners, behaviors etc.) of dealing with these differences. Yelling in the masjid is not only against the adaab of disagreement but also against the adaab of the masjid itself. So let us not forget ourselves when such differences arrive and present our views in a respectful manner (ex. Maleeha’s letter to the Imam).

May Allah bless the Imams and reward them for their dedication and recitations. May Allah make their days pleasant and ease their burdens and may he keep them far from the flames. May Allah forgive them their mistakes and those of their families. And may Allah have mercy upon all of us.

And Allah knows best.

————
Salaams, Much Love and Respect
-TWS

On the power of apology October 6, 2006

Ramadan is a month of forgiveness. One must learn to forgive and constantly ask for Allah’s forgiveness. “Forgiveness” – a word so easy to preach, and yet so difficult to practice. I don’t know when I became so unforgiving. It was perhaps the physical torture I suffered as a child. I would cry myself to sleep or softly call out for my mother who was never allowed to ‘spoil’ me. I learnt to handle on my own the struggling sobs that lumped in my throat in tiers, the stinging pain that often left me numb, and those warm salty tears that forever filled my childhood eyes. Perhaps in that process I became so harsh that I may forgive but I struggle to forget. However, where there is fault in a person, God gives them some saving grace to make them more human than merely sculptures with stone cold hearts.  

I have never perceived stubbornness to accept fault or failure a virtue. There are times when I have apologised to my younger siblings, colleagues, friends, students, and even my children. I don’t remember my parents ever apologising to us even though they knew they had made mistakes. Perhaps apology would make us less ‘parental’? It would make us more human, I know. Pondering on the virtues of pardon is not enough if you have no one who apologises. Generally, in our bid to forgive we forget to act contrite. We demand that Bush and Blair apologise for the havoc they are creating in the Muslim world. We want the Pope to ‘say sorry’ for ridiculing Islam and its Prophet. We demanded that President Musharraf apologise for mocking rape victims. But did they? Does anyone ever apologise?! I am appalled at the behaviour of even the common rushed person on the street who bumps into me and the baby in my arms without ever saying, “I’m sorry! Are you alright?” Societies, communities, and people who don’t value the feelings of others and don’t see the warmth that the five-letter word can bring have granite hearts and marble eyes.  

A few months ago, a fellow blogger posted on a useful topic which irritated a commentator unnecessarily. When he let his feelings known, the blogger replied, “Please forgive me for upsetting you, brother. I would rather delete the post than cause you discomfort.” I was completely enveloped by the admiration I felt for the blogger when I read his reply. (And, if you are reading this, dear blogger, please know that someone greatly admires the kind heart you possess. I am not divulging your name in fear that my admiration may be seen as flattery). This is what I call kindness; a random act of sweet kindness which makes us far superior to those who stubbornly denounce others to look smart and knowledgeable.  

There are days when I am terrifyingly stubborn which makes me feel tough and six feet tall. In the night when I stand on my prayer mat I feel like a Pygmy. The prayer mat begins to engulf me like quicksand in which I sink and look small and negligible standing stupidly in the presence of the Great Forgiver. It is one of God’s smart ways of making me realise how naïve I had been in not admitting my fault earlier in the day. On a brighter day when I own up to my mistakes I stand tall before Him in the night. I feel strong, powerful, and a much better person. I can sense Him smiling approvingly at me.

Yesterday, my four year old ran his bike on my toes. Although, I didn’t complain he cupped my face in his tiny, pudgy hands and said, “I’m sho showie Mummy! I’m a bad boy. I hurt my Mummy’s feet.” It is a grand behaviour that I would want him to develop as he grows older. He should learn to apologise when he makes mistakes rather than imagine himself to be the ultimate patriarch devoid of emotions and beyond admission of guilt. I want him to be kind like his father. I want all my children to be kind. I want Muslims to be kind. I have a dream. I have a dream that we live with peace and harmony, with love in our hearts, praise on our lips, and tenderness in our eyes. I want Muslims to learn to forgive. But before that, I want them to learn to apologise.   

Thought Patrol and Mind Control September 26, 2006

Research now shows that averages of 77% of what people think are negative thoughts. We literally have thousands of thoughts running through our heads all day long. Some are neutral, observational thoughts, others are bouncing, happy and joyful thoughts, and others still are negative, slimy, and sad ones.

 

The amount of stress a person feels in a given context; is not induced by the situational circumstances rather by the thoughts that person harbors. For instance, two people can be in the same situation, with the same life circumstances, yet one can still remain upbeat about it; while the other is sulky and depressing to be around.

 

Studies have shown that the difference between the stressed-out people versus the happy people (given the same circumstances) is their thought processes. The stressed out person tends to snow ball the negative thoughts into a larger than life phenomenon that probably bears little resemblance to their real situation. And since life is all about perceptions; their life will generally suck primarily because of their outlook and not necessarily their context.

 

An every day example could be average Joe walks in five minutes late to work. As Murphy has it, he sees his supervisor, who hurries by him with a quick nod of the head.

 

Joe then starts thinking “OMG, not only am I late, but I run into my supervisor! just my stupid LUCK! Nothing good EVER happens to me. I just hate this STUPID life. He didn’t say hi either. I wonder if he is mad at me. I am such a loser. OMG, I need to work on my resume. I think he will fire me. Actually i KNOW he will fire me. Oh gosh, how will I feed my family, my poor children will suffer. The mortgage is due. What if I don’t find a job right away? OMG we are going to be homeless. Is he really going to fire me? I can’t believe it! Why me? o’ why?”

 

Okay, that’s a bit too dramatic, but you get the point I am trying to bring across don’t you?

 

A happy sunny personality walks into work five minutes late; sees the supervisor; says “Hi” with a big smile and whistles on to his little cubicle where he conveniently perched photos of his sunny smiley children and breathtaking landscapes, to make his workplace a little more cheerful. He sighs, and smiles before happily logging on to check his email and browse the net.

 

Reality is, most people are probably in between the two extreme examples above. But we all have those dreary days when negative thoughts bombard us; and the little inconveniences we face throughout the day only serve to confirm to us our outlook.

 

We sat through stress management workshop recently (yes, I do hate these sessions on principle and yes that was a negative thought); but this one idea (although seemingly commonsensical) stuck out in my mind.

 

A simple exercise to control your thoughts can actually change your entire life.

 

The workshop coordinators made us sit through an exercise where we simply acknowledge our thoughts. He said just let them flow. Now of course, my thoughts were kind of blocked out because I was aware I was doing this stupid exercise, when I would rather be doing something else (yes, another negative thought acknowledged). But the point of it was to note the stream of negative and positive thoughts; and to let the negative thoughts glide by (like clouds); and amplify the positive thoughts.

 

He said something that stuck with me “if we can easily see the disastrous consequences of everything around us; then why can’t we amplify the positives around us”. So, if you have a single positive thought streaming through your mind, hang on to it for dear life; and amplify it and look at all the myriad of ways it is awesome.

 

When I was young I used to daydream a lot (go figure). I would spend so much time lying down in our veranda and staring at the fluffy clouds and imagining I lived up there in my own castle and I was a princess (yes, laugh if you will). And only recently have I been in touch with that precious innocence through my vicariously reliving my childhood (courtesy and inspiration of my Sufyan).

 

We took him to the park just two days ago; and while he was feeding the fish in the lake with his dad; I lay down on a rock to stare at the sky. Tears threatened to overwhelm my being; I literally couldn’t remember the last time I had taken a moment to do so since those early years of my life. I sat a while longer to relish that sweet feeling of deja vu`; and there I was a little girl again; and the universe so huge and wondrous and those clouds so near; and my castle just over there waiting for me. As if on cue, flocks of birds flew in from the horizon to tantalize me with their synchronized dances of praise.

 

To me the essence of gratitude lies in these random thoughts on thoughts 🙂 For to dwell constantly on the negativity around us (and there’s too much of it; enough to darken the soul and weigh us down); is to lose sight of the incredible blessings that are constantly given to us; freely and abundantly.

 

The whole concept of Remembrance/Dhikr in Islam lies in magnifying the Source of all Goodness and Blessings. For to say “Praise God”/Alhamdullillah we will our Minds to not only appreciate that gift; but magnify and connect it back to the Provider of all gifts.

 

Another connection I made to the necessity of policing our own thoughts was yesterday. We were invited to Iftaar in company of some people I have some discomfort being around (enough said). My mom made a passing comment on something; and immediately a very nasty, negative retort (about the people aforementioned) came to my lips. I bit it back, in the spirit of kindness and consciousness of fasting, swallowed it; and changed topics.

 

I have to clarify something here; I am not perfect; I struggle with being nice and I have my own share of negativity and backbiting to answer to (that I pray God forgives me for). But this one little moment, was a huge significant victory for me. It seemed like it wasn’t hard; an impulse at best; that I easily squashed with a conscious check of my mind. If I could do that; I could certainly control anything in my life.

 

There’s one more thing during the session that interested me (which is not so useless now that I reflect on it). The coordinator said that before any reaction (of anger, emotion, retorting) we have a split second to make a decision. The key to wisdom is to take advantage of that split second; and have a mantra to remind ourselves of what is important. Some people repeatedly say “It’s not worth it” and walk away. I thought how perfect, as Muslims we are taught the importance of seeking refuge from Satan and that would be a perfect moment to do so.

 

This whole process of unfolding the mind and gaining control of our selves is perfectly summarized by the following quote by Lao-Tsu “”Kindness in thought leads to wisdom. Kindness in speech leads to eloquence. Kindness in action leads to love.” (which I ‘borrowed’ courtesy of SA Moms; awesome blog by the way, check it out).

 

My little act of kindness yesterday was not done to a person; but to my own soul. I prevented myself from hurting someone behind their backs; and thus was kind to my own soul. Because of that thought-ful act, I am able to breathe a little easier today, my conscience is a bit clearer now, and perhaps it’s a small but significant step towards being a better and kinder person.

 

May God’s peace and blessings be upon you and your loved ones; and may we learn to implement that which will free our souls (amin).

 

(cross posted at http://lightnessofbeing.wordpress.com)

A consistent prayer

O Allah! We beg help from You alone; ask forgiveness from You alone, and turn towards You and praise You for all the good things and are grateful to You and are not ungrateful to You and we part and break off with all those who are disobedient to you.  

I started fasting when I was ten. The same year, I met a new girl in school. Lets call her Sarah. She was just like me and perhaps that is what I liked about her. We both had doting mothers and stern fathers. We soon became “best friends.” We fasted together for the first time that year. After school, we attended religious classes and prayed maghrib together. Sometimes, I would get the chance to lead girls’ prayer, sometimes Sarah did. But after O’ Levels we lost touch. She moved to an Arab country and later I traveled but in the end that was it – we lost touch. She remained my best friend. After years of searching, I found Sarah on the Internet about two years ago. I called her the same night; there was so much to tell. I excitedly told her about my new life which she hadn’t shared with me in years. I kept adding my mashallahs and subhanallahs. She said nothing about God. Before putting down the phone, she casually added that she didn’t believe in Islam anymore. She didn’t believe that Quran could be the word of God; to her God cannot be sexist or cruel. Her decision to abandon Islam was not based on any personal problems; she took her decision after receiving a Masters degree in Islamic studies! I didn’t sleep all of that night. I kept blaming myself for not being there for her when she was making an important decision in her life.

All my life I have heard my mother say, “Pray to Allah that whatever is good for you,  happens. If something is not good for you, don’t ask for it.” I don’t haggle with God. He’s the Provider; I am the beggar. I operate on different terms with my Allah. I pray, “Allah, you are all merciful; you are bountiful. I want this. Please make it happen for me and make it the best possible choice with the best possible results.” My act of kindness is not random this time. It is not senseless either. I want mercy for my best friend. I am not asking Allah to pardon her; I ask Him to guide her. My prayer is, “She has wandered, only You can show her the right path. She has faltered, only You can support her. She has erred, please guide her. I want her to see the Light again. Allah only You can do it. Please Allah do it.”

My small kindness may lead to her eternal salvation. This is all I can do for my best friend. I will keep praying for her until my God listens to me and pulls her towards Truth. I will keep praying till my God and her God become One.   

Also posted at: http://saly.wordpress.com/2006/09/26/a-consistent-prayer/

Guests and Angels: To Honor and Illuminate September 25, 2006

Honoring guests has always been part of the human tradition. In pre-Islamic times (and to date) Arabs were known for their chivalry and generosity. This was especially pertinent in times of famines and plagues. The concept of “haram” which is now skewed beyond recognition, assured that should a wayfarer step into a man’s domain, he will be taken care of, provided for, and protected from inter tribal hostilities.

 

With the advent of Islam this beautiful trait (among many) existing within the Arab culture were maintained and strengthened. The Prophet (peace be upon him) repeatedly stressed the importance of honoring a guest, the manners of doing so, and provided an Islamic framework to encourage people to continue in their own time honored tradition.

 

The whole concept of “Sulh”/ “Islah” is to strengthen what is intrinsically good/beneficially and reform what is harmful by redirecting it to a positive channel.

 

I will go off on a little tangent and add that this concept of “Islah” should be kept in mind when dealing with Western societies. There are so many good things about these countries that ought to be acknowledged and celebrated. When Muslims (paradoxically ones who live in the west) proceed to denigrate everything as “Kaffir”, “Haram” or alternatively “Bidah/innovation” we end up missing out on awesome opportunities.

 

Everything that Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him) did in regards to Arabia, was along the lines of working within the current social/economic/political structure of his land and systematically improve on what was already in place. He did not have any designs for a “revolution”; for that would mean an overhaul of what was there. He did not also; proceed to supplant what was already in place, with a completely foreign entity that had no roots within 7^th century Arabia.

 

Later on when Muslims dispersed throughout the lands, Islam was absorbed into a diversity of cultures from Persia to Rome, to Africa and the Far East; producing a medley of accents, traditions, and a continuity of the cultural identities of those who embraced Islam.

 

To me, this remains to be the most beautiful aspect of Islam; the diversity of its adherents and the possibilities of its manifestation. I have seen the ugly side and that is when people insist that their “version” of Islam is the best and should be forced on everyone else around them. The root of such declarations might be better understood in the light of arrogance or perhaps a little ignorance.

 

Going back to the concept of honoring and serving guests; there isn’t a better time to do so than Ramadhan. To open your home to others and share with them those celebratory moments of breaking fast, the murmured prayers of gratitude, and the goodwill of partaking in various savory dishes is an act of worship in of itself.

 

As I was busy cleaning, cooking, and preparing my home for my dear family to break fast with us this weekend, I kept reflecting on how blessed I was to have so many loved ones close to me. I know people who relocate to distant lands and exist as solitary islands; far away from the support and intimacy of everything they knew and loved.  

I was also struck by my own excitement in the preparation process (I remember clearly when it used to be a big chore:); the emotion that was perfectly encapsulated by my baby’s absolute glee when he saw my aunt and cousins walk in. I could have sworn he was greeting the Angels escorting them in; and couldn’t help detecting that the room was intensely  brightened by their presence.

 

In this month of Mercy and giving; open your doors a little wider and expand your circle of breaking bread; you might be surprised by the imperceptible forces seeking to light up your heart.

 

Peace and bessings:)

 

(cross posted at Lightness of Being)